Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Do you actually swipe left on everyone?
A: Not everyone; just the guys holding fish, flexing in bathroom mirrors, or whose entire personality is "I love to laugh." So, yeah... most men.
Q: What qualifies you to decode dating profiles?
A: Years of field research, a master's degree in disappointment, and the ability to spot a red flag from three swipes away.
Q: Is this book just you complaining about men?
A: It's me helping women avoid the men I should have complained about sooner.
Q: Will reading this book guarantee I find love?
A: It'll guarantee you won't waste time on someone whose bio says "just ask" or trying to figure out which guy in the group photo is actually him. FYI: it's never the cute one.
Q: Do you hate online dating?
A: I don't hate it. I just think it needs a decoder ring, hazmat suit, and therapy.
Q: What's the worst profile you've ever seen?
A: The one that made me write this book. You'll know it when you read Chapter 16.
Q: Should men read this book?
A: Only if they want to understand why their "hey, beautiful" opener isn't working.
Q: How long did it take you to write this book?
A: Many agonizing years of research and one particularly horrific Tinder relationship that made me question humanity.
Q: What's your success rate with online dating?
A: I successfully avoided 90% of the disasters I could have dated. I consider that a win.
Q: What's the most common mistake women make on dating apps?
A: Assuming "entrepreneur" means anything other than "unemployed with delusions".
Q: Did writing this book ruin online dating for you?
A: You can't ruin something that was already broken. I just learned to read the warning labels.
Q: Do you believe in love at first swipe?
A: I believe in red flags at first glance, which is much more useful.
Q: Do you have any dating advice for men?
A: Yes. Read your own profile out loud to your mother, your sister, and your female friends. If they cringe, start over.
Q: You write about dating disasters AND children's books? How does that work?
A: Apparently, I have a talent for understanding both immature men and actual children. The difference is that the children eventually grow up.
Q: So "My Little Max" is about your dog?
A: Yes, and he's proven time and time again to be a better judge of character than I am.
Q: What breed is Max?
A: He's Coton du Tulear with a PhD in unconditional love and a minor in stealing hearts.
Q: What does Max think about your social media posts?
A: He's supportive but thinks I should post more photos of him and fewer screenshots of terrible dating profiles.
Q: What's Max's most significant accomplishment?
A: Teaching me that loyalty, consistency, and showing up every day are what really matter.
Q: Do you have kids, or do you just write about them?
A: I do have children, and I've also dated enough man-children to understand the demographic.
Q: Will there be a crossover book, like dating advice for kids?
A: "Don't Date Until You're 30: A Guide for Smart Children" - coming never.
Q: What's next, romance novels?
A: After writing about dating app disasters? I'm confident that I've seen more than enough romance for one lifetime.